You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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