i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
