It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
