I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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