I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
