Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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