I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
