i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
