I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
