Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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