Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize