Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
