Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
