It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
