we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
