I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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