Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
