You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
