I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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