And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i permit you to call me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
