just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
