Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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