im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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