Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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