bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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