We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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