his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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