Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
