I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
