they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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