my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
not ubering you a puppy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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