Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
