Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
