so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
