You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
