Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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