My room smells like vodka and shame
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
