so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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