It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
