I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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