So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
