Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize