this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
