Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
