I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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