My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
