You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
