Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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