I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
