His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
