my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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