her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
