my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize