did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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