apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
