Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
