i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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