i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
