I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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