question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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