is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize