Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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