MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
