I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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