just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Liz is crying about burritos again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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