shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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