1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
