Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
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