Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
