he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
