I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
