I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
